a dream

I had a dream 2 mornings ago that I was sick, and dying. You were there, in our bedroom, next to me, in a chair, and I was crying, saying I was scared, that I didn't want to leave my life here. You asked me why I was scared, and I told you I was scared to die, because I wasn't good enough to go to heaven, I didn't want to face Jesus with the life I've lived here. It was one of those very emotional dreams, very real. You told me none of us are good enough to go to heaven, and thank God for His Grace. I kept thinking to myself, that I knew you were right, but that I just felt so undeserving, and I was so scared and not at all reassured, now that I knew death was imminent.

I woke up then, upset, and a song came into my head right away that I haven't heard in a very long time. It is called Grace Like Rain. I don't know why I remembered this song, but it was so appropriate for the dream. We used to sing it at Calvary Chapel Pearl Harbor. Do you remember it? Well, today I was cleaning out my bible cover, and I found three sheets of music from when they changed locations and didn't have their projection equipment up yet. One of them had the words for Grace Like Rain. It is so odd that I found it. I did a search for the song, and found it on YouTube, here are the words and the song. I probably wouldn't have told any of this to you if I had not found the music in my bible, but I thought it was really neat, and it spoke to me, and I don't know what it means yet, but I wanted to share. Where is Joseph to interpret my dream, when I need him. I love you and miss you.

Grace Like Rain

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now I'm found

Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me
Hallelujah, all my stains are washed away,
Washed away

Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me
Hallelujah, all my stains are washed away,
Washed away

When we've been there ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun
We've no less days to sing Your praise
Than when we first begun

Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me
Hallelujah, all my stains are washed away,
Washed away

The best thing ever!

I forgot to tell you when we were on the phone today...!!
I remembered, but then we talked, and the kids, and it was loud, and we ran out of time....

This morning during bible study, I was reading to them, and this is part of what I read:

Jesus said to them, "You must go everywhere, into the whole world, and tell people about Me. When they believe in Me, you must baptize them into the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost."

I stopped here and asked them all if they knew what it meant to believe in Him, and I asked them if they knew what being baptized meant, and how it was done. They all said yes, but all had it sorta off, so I explained what it was to believe in Jesus, and I explained what baptism meant, and how it is done usually. Then Luke said "I believe in Jesus," and Adam said "Me too, I believe in Jesus!" So I asked them if they wanted to pray to ask Jesus to come into their heart and their life forever. Luke said "Yes, I do," right away, and after he did Adam said he wanted to too. But then Adam looked a little worried, so I asked him what was wrong and if he had any questions. He looked down at his shirt and asked "How does Jesus come into your heart?" I told him that God's spirit comes and fills you up so that you can be a good person and help you to do what Jesus would want you to do. He looked down at his shirt again, and sort of touched his heart and looked back up at me like he was scared. It was so adorable. I told him that it wouldn't hurt at all, and that all we would have to do is say a prayer and Jesus would be with him, and he would never die, he would live forever with God. He said "ohh, no, I don't want-" I interrupted him and said "I think that people that aren't Christian don't go to live with God. When they die, they go away from God forever, and all of their Christian family aren't there to be with them in Heaven." He seriously thought about it for another minute and then he said "Welll, Mommmyyy, will you be there?" I smiled and told him "of course." Then he said "Okay, then I want Jesus in my heart." I said "You know...Daddy has Jesus in his heart," and Lukas said (amazed!), "NO! I didn't know that!" I laughed out loud at that. Both the boys said they didn't think they wanted to be baptized though. Adam is serious about not being dunked under water...even for one second. Luke said he could handle it fine, and Jenna has declared she wants to be baptized now. So after all that, I helped them say a prayer, and they both said it and when we all opened our eyes, Luke and Adam looked up at me with the biggest smiling eyes and lips I have ever seen. It was so special and so sweet, and I nearly cried right then when I saw them smiling up at me like they really were changed. It was so cool. I wish you could have been here to be the one to pray with them. Livea prayed with the boys too, so Jenna insists she is a Christian too, but I am not so sure that counts. What do you think? :o) *sigh*

I made Curried Tomato and White Bean Soup for dinner tonight. I found the recipe in that Cooking mag I got, and I put it all in the crockpot instead of making it on the stove, and it turned out spectacular. Livea devoured 2 bowls, but you know how she is with soups and casseroles and anything mish-mashed together. Adam reluctantly finished his (amazing in and of itself, right, considering there were beans in it) when I told him that everyone that finished their soup all up could have Lucky Charms for breakfast in the morning....and I teased that since I had a giant bowl of soup, I could probably have a giant bowl of Lucky Charms. He seriously finished the soup in 2 minutes, and didn't even make faces or complain. And of course he asked if he was going to be able to have Lucky Charms in the morning. I think they are all pretty Lucky that I even bought Lucky charms, and I also think that I am pretty dumb for doing it because now they are going to ask for Lucky Charms every time we go to the store for the next year, no doubt.

I didn't buy a camera!! I am dying to, but I think I have figured out that the PX doesn't have a good selection. They have $100 cameras and $500 cameras. I need to look online at aafes.com and see what I can find.
Well, we miss you and love you and we pray for you every day! I wish more time was behind us than in front of us.