Here we go again.

Well, here we go again.  It is time for another deployment, that one can never be totally ready for.  I am not looking forward to this one (I guess I wasn't last time either).

It is only NTC - it hasn't even been 4 weeks yet, and the kids are already whining that they miss you, can't remember your face....
Ethan says "miss Daddy!" every day.

I feel done with deployments.  Not ready to do this again.

24 Weeks

When I think about it, 20 weeks seems almost more of a milestone than 24. But before I know it I'll be 30 weeks, and then 40. So I am trying not to think about it all too much anyway.

I wish you were here. I hate to say that. All the deployment crap we go through says not to worry you about "insignificant", "meaningless" problematic types of things. "Don't make issues." And I'm not, truly - you know that. And I think you above so many other people I know, love to hear that I wish you were here...more than me not saying it. I just miss you. It seems like it's been so long now. And it has been just 5 months. It seems like forever to me. And yet again, when you're home, I know it'll seem like you were never gone. It's so strange how our minds work. I guess they do what is best for us at the time. Now: me clinging to you getting back here. When you're home: me forgetting you were ever gone.

But I do miss you now more than ever.

Our driveway is so crappy looking, I should take a picture. You would probably be horrified. If we didn't wear our snow boots to get to the car we'd fall all over ourselves getting in. That's funny, but still... I feel pretty lazy that I haven't shoveled it. I may just do that tomorrow. We are supposed to have temps in the 30's for the next few days (YES!!!!). It is seriously a heat wave! I probably will be wearing a shirt and a sweater to shovel it. It has just been so cold, the idea is just daunting to me to go out there. I am hibernating in here. But really, it is very lazy of me. It would be so nice to walk out to our car free of obstacle-course-snow-piles. And snow-piles they are.

Yes, I miss you. I miss a man's body. Is that chaste enough to say in a public, eerr, sorta public, blog? Probably not, but this is mostly for you, and while I am not going to spew out the mouth in an unchaste way, I hate to not say what is on my mind...and I do just miss a big manly man near me. Oh okay, I mean, I can be near plenty of men, at the stores or wherever I go. But it's cuddling up and being close, and having eye and hand access at you that I miss. I guess that might be unchaste to say. But I am a married woman, so I'll say it, and be glad of it. I miss you.

We all do. I'm praying for you. We all are. Every day, and night, and any other time we think of it. The kids pray for you every single day. Luke prays often that you eat healthy food and that that healthy food makes you feel healthy and strong. It's so sweet of him. Livea always prays that you're not scared and that you're safe in "Iwrack."

I think the United States Army needs a few more men so that deployments can be cut to 6 months. That is what I think. Maybe you should come home and recruit. Can you even do that at your rank anymore? LOL.

Love you, love you, love you, love you and miss you even more.

hackjob

Adam and Livea decided Livea needed a new haircut. I was reading to Jenna and Luke (school stuff) and the little ones went upstairs. They do this often, so it isn't something I worry about. They play together really well. Well................................!! Adam hacked the heck outta her hair. Livea helped somewhat, but Adam did most of it. I could not even bring myself to take a picture of her hair. The image burned into my memory is bad enough. I was really anxious the entire day about it. Christina's has a friend that does hair in her home, and I called her up and she let me come over at 4:15. Her hair doesn't look so bad in this picture - it's pretty cute actually, but this morning when she woke up, all the too-short hairs were standing straight up on the top of her head. Aye! There really isn't anything I can do with her hair now, I have tried ponies, and clips....it is just going to have to grow for a while. I was very upset with them. Poor Livea - she just cried and cried. Adam cried because I spanked him. Livea cried just because I was so upset with her. Later I asked her what she thought Daddy would think when she told him Adam cut her hair, and she said "Daddy will love it! Daddy will say he loves my new haircut when he comes home from Iwack!" So here it is. We wuv you and miss you vewwy much. ;o)

From Drop Box

home is where my heart is

"I had cast my lot with a soldier and where he was, was home to me." Martha Summerhayes, Army Wife, 1866.


I read this quote somewhere today and I thought how true that is. Home is just wherever you are, and lately, it doesn't feel much like home here. I think that is why I've been so homesick for Phoenix and family - because you are gone.

Miss you and love you.

attack of the public schoolers

Last night I walked outside to check on the kids. The little girl Kyler was straddling her bike. Jenna was straddling Riley's bike, and Riley was playing with the dollhouse in the garage. The second I walked out there I could tell something was wrong, so I asked if there was a problem. Immediately Jenna said "YES!!, KYLER-" and then Kyler kept interrupting saying "Noooo!" every time Jenna began to speak. I finally told Kyler to be quiet. Jenna said that Kyler was telling her that she needed to go to real school because they have better rules and she can learn better. She told her it was wrong for her not to go to school, and that they have a zero-bully tolerance at their school, so it was better. Jenna was really upset by it. I sort of came unglued. Kyler is not a nice girl. I don't want her to stay away from Jenna, but I told Jenna that she is only allowed to play with her supervised from now on. There are always problems when she comes around. She is very bossy. I explained to Kyler that kids can learn at home just as well or better than they learn at school, and that Jenna follows her Mom's and Dad's rules, and Kyler doesn't know what is best for Jenna - that is why God gave her 2 incredibly intelligent parents. Poor Riley must have been in on it at some point because she looked scared to death at my lecture. She got really upset and started crying and saying how Kyler was mean to her at school and how she (Riley) got in trouble because of her, and all this. I told Kyler she didn't to go home for the day, but that she was certainly welcome back to our home again. I explained to her that when she played at our house she needed to follow our rules, and be respectful to everyone at our house no matter if it is her own brother, or Riley, or Jenna or the boys, or the neighbors dog. I told her again, that she was welcome back just so she maybe really does come back.

Then after she left I asked the girls if they felt better that she was gone, and they both nodded their heads and said yes, yes, yes. They talked about how bossy she always is, and all this. I told them that there were going to be many bossy girls as they grew up and that they had to start decided now, when they were little which girls were girls they should be friends with, and if they wanted to be a nice girl or a girl like Kyler is sometimes. They both said they didn't want to be like Kyler is. Riley looked so upset, and I asked her if she needed a hug, and she ran to me and hugged me. It was so sad!! I think she was scared that I was going to be upset with her because I think she had a part in the badgering of Jenna's schooling. Wow! I really never thought our kids would be bothered like this!! Leave it to girls, to be catty, right? No wonder you guys are glad to be Infantry and away from girls. I am afraid of what to say anymore because of the cattiness of spouses in FRG. I am just not made for FRG. I don't want to deal with cattiness, and high school games. Some people think they are really mature, and they are just as immature as the people they think they are so much more mature than. As much as it has been said that the spouses don't wear their husbands' rank - there is a dividing line among and within the ranks, so it really just is not true. There are coffee's and I saw Kelly post the other day that there is now a "commanders wives" group too. Talk about no-ranks, hmmmm...... maybe I am done with the military.

Anyway, we have a meeting today at CYS to get the kids enrolled for the Skies Taekwondo. So at least that will save some money for a while. I am considering going to the PX to get a camera but the idea is daunting because there are SO many!! I am mostly wanting to go to the PX for a Starbucks coffee. I have made coffee exactly once since you have been gone. I haven't gone to our favorite coffee shop at all, and I have been to Starbucks once also. Today coffee just sounds good though.

Well, Livea "wants breakfast right now" so I guess I better go. She is crying and asking me to "get up, come on, Mommy"....starving little monster.
We love you, and miss you!!!

The Beginning

It was awful leaving you at "work" last night. The kids all asleep, oblivious to what it is going to be like for the next year. I am probably somewhat naive in it all too, for that matter.

The dog decided to puke on the way home, all.over.the.front.seat. I was so disgusted. I had to roll down the windows and then the kids all woke up because it was too chilly for them in the car. But the smell was outrageous, and I couldn't stand rolling the windows back up. They all had their blankets anyway so they were okay. It was somewhat helpful because they were awake when we got home and I didn't have to carry Jenna and Luke in the house. Whew!

I almost started crying on the way out the gate. But my blurred-eyes scared me enough to suck it up and push the tears aside so that we wouldn't crash on the way home. Plus, I thought that if I started crying, I might just not ever stop.

I miss you so much already!